In Citizen by Descent, Kritika Arya takes us on an evocative journey through the complexities of growing up as a third-culture kid in the vibrant, multicultural landscape of Dubai. With an Indian passport, Kritika navigates a world filled with diverse customs and traditions, all while grappling with her sense of belonging. The narrative captures the paradox of feeling at home in a city that pulses with life yet feeling distinctly out of place due to her heritage.
Through a series of autobiographical essays, Kritika reflects on her nomadic lifestyle, having moved through various homes across three countries. Each space serves as a canvas for her experiences, intertwining stories of identity, anxiety, and the ever-elusive search for home. Her reflections illuminate the challenges of feeling like an outsider, highlighting the emotional impact of constant change and the struggle to forge meaningful connections.
In Citizen by Descent, you discuss the experiences of being a third-culture kid. What specic challenges did you face growing up in Dubai with an Indian passport?
The UAE is a kaleidoscope of culture where I was exposed to customs, traditions, religions and festivities from around the world. I’m grateful as it made me quite worldly from a young age. However, growing up in Dubai in the United Arab Emirates was rather confusing. I was born and raised there and yet I had an Indian passport. I wasn’t Arab nor did I feel very Indian as I was immediately distanced from that idea by being called a Non-Resident Indian (NRI). I learnt Arabic and Hindi in school and I’m terrible at both. However, I’m worse o in Arabic as I can only read and write it, without understanding what I’m reading and writing. I managed to half-learn two languages.
Nobody ever really writes about what it's like to grow up as a third-culture kid, particularly if you're living on a resident visa and don’t really belong as a citizen of any place. The third-culture kid experience is a complex one, with its own unique set of challenges. The feeling of not belonging anywhere, constantly having to adapt to new surroundings, and struggling to form meaningful connections can be dicult and isolating. It’s why the two constants in my life have always been my passport and my anxiety, they travelled the world with me.
You mention living in eight dierent houses across three countries in the past decade. How did this nomadic lifestyle shape your sense of identity?
It might actually be 9 or 10 now. I went from the U.A.E. to the U.K., back to the U.A.E and then ventured to India. I shared a special connection with every city, every home, every room that I lived in. I would desperately try to make it my own, hoping that this time it would be permanent. I would no longer live out of a suitcase. I was holding on so tight, my knuckles were ghostly white and sore by the time I reluctantly unclenched. It was dicult to let go and every time I moved, I would grieve the place, space and the hopes I had for my life there.
Without a doubt, those spaces played a signicant role in developing who I was as a person. So, for Citizen by Descent, I challenged myself to root my story into these physical spaces. The idea organically developed and I began writing about each home or a specic part of that home and unintentionally began exploring specic attributes of my anxiety – be it physical, emotional, or intellectual. For example, the rst essay is set in my childhood home's corridor. As I walk you through the layout of the house, I weave in the stories that are related to the space as well as my anxiety. Back then, I just thought I “worried” a lot. Through each home, we see how my physical and emotional journey has developed, progressed, or even regressed.
Illustrated autobiographical essays oer a unique storytelling approach. How did you decide to combine illustrations with your narratives?
From the outset, illustrations were always a part of the plan. However, this small pandemic project was supposed to be only one essay that I would turn into a zine. I collaborated with a dear friend and talented illustrator, Mohannad Salim, giving him complete creative freedom to visualise this piece in any way he saw t. Within a week, I had an idea for another essay, followed by another and it accidentally snowballed into this mammoth project. I still didn’t know what the end result would be but I knew it had to have art along with the writing because one couldn’t exist without the other.
In Citizen by Descent, there is my voice and clear narrative which seamlessly intertwines with the powerful vision of the illustrators as they present dierent versions of me, creating a multifaceted portrayal. These illustrations are integral to the stories as they have reimagined me through a reader's lens. The illustrations allow for the stories to expand beyond its own limits, creating a space for the reader to explore and interact with me in a more intimate and meaningful way. The illustrations also make the book more accessible to a wider audience, allowing those with dierent learning styles to engage with the stories in various ways.
Looking back at your journey, what advice would you give to others who might feel similarly lost or unsure about where they belong?
At 19, I left Dubai to study in the UK. I was so excited and hopeful that the UK would become my forever home. On the ip side, I was extremely nervous. I was young, naive and all I knew about being abroad was what I learnt from tv shows. Looking back, my rst year at university was one of the hardest experiences. I was clueless and devoid of a distinct identity as I kept taking on other people’s personality traits. I became a blend of dierent people.
After my undergrad, I immediately did my masters to give myself more time to learn, make connections and work. I ended up working on myself, building a home and a community and I still wasn’t allowed to stay once my student visa expired. At the time, I was devastated. I had worked so hard and in the end, I still didn’t belong.
I eventually got over the disappointment through trial and error as I used my support system and found dierent ways of channeling my emotions. I found what works for me and started taking the pressure o. I constantly reminded myself with the help of a lot of therapy that it’s never going to be perfect. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing – it’s all going to haunt you. However, it is going to pass. Well, unless you write a book about it which then immortalises it forever.
You emphasize that belonging is “made” rather than “found.” Can you elaborate on what this means in the context of your personal journey?
I used to get very attached to spaces/things/relationships/friendships and wouldn’t want them to change. Any change would unnerve me and my reactions would unnerve others around me. But these last couple of years have taught me to let go of the idea of permanence. I realise it’s a very obvious takeaway but it’s incredibly hard to put into practice.
My journey has always been unplanned. If someone told me a few years ago that I would be living with my parents again at the age of 33 in Jaipur, I would have laughed and cried....at the same time. But I’m here and I am so happy to be here. Over the last three years, I’ve managed to make a physical and emotional space for myself here which is all mine. Is it going to be my forever home? I can’t say.
I’m only trying to focus on my present and believe that wherever I am is where I’m meant to be and I’ll do the best that I can with what I have.
Throughout Citizen by Descent, we intentionally included quotes from everyone who worked on the book, about what “home” means to them. Mostly, because I didn’t have a concrete answer. It became clear that it means dierent things to dierent people. There is no single denition that we all conform to, although there may be some overlap. Ultimately, it proved to me that we are all trying to make it on our own, determined to dene it the way we want and seeking solace on our respective journeys.
Why did you choose to independently publish/distribute your book?
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t. But most of the time I’m grateful that I did. It’s a project that I’ve had complete control over from beginning to middle and hopefully to the end. I feel like I’m still in the throes of it. I reached out to several publishers, however, the rst concern they had was Citizen by Descent was too expensive to print. The second was that it was my debut novel. And the third was, ‘would anyone relate to the story of a third culture kid?’ To be fair, these are all valid concerns.
But I knew I was never going to compromise on the art and I really wanted the world to see the amazing work that we had produced in those three years, so I took the risk. Printing, distribution and marketing; a year on and two out of three of these things are done (almost).
My anxiety has been through the roof but I’m taking it one step at a time. But I’m grateful I haven’t been doing this alone. Ritu, my sister, has been my rock through it all. I am very lucky that she is a talented illustrator, graphic designer and UX designer who put these essays together in the most beautiful way. A special mention for Studio Paperheads, who were my incredible printing partner, coordinating with the printers day and night till we got a version of the book that we loved. In the end, all our hard work paid of as Citizen by Descent is available in stores and online in India, U.A.E, the U.K. and Canada.
What was the process of collaborating with individuals all around the world?
In June 2020, at a time when the world had shut down and everyone was struggling with their mental health, the wheels in my brain slowly began to turn. I didn't have any specic goals in mind; all I wanted to do was write something for myself. I was able to nd hope, creativity, passion, and many artists on Instagram. From Morocco to Dubai to London to Delhi, I found artists who wanted to create work with absolutely no pressure from the outside world. I soon discovered that each illustrator was able to relate to my journey even though they came from a dierent city, ethnicity, and background. We were all in dierent places. My editor, Raghu Kesavan, lives in London and we found an eective way to communicate via Google Docs and the occasional phone call to cry about punctuation and tenses.
With the artists, there wasn’t too much of a back and forth, I chose them because I trusted their skills and process. They would show me a draft, we would discuss it and then it was their choice on how they wanted to complete it. For three and a half years, I was on call with my sister, where we had no “hellos” or “goodbyes”. It was a continuous stream of creativity, inspiration and changes.
With Citizen by Descent, I was fortunate enough to be working with 16 extremely talented and independent individuals who always believed in me and what we created.
Words Paridhi Badgotri
Date 25.09.2024